Last One.....Be Sure to Follow My New Blog - Life at the USMC

Not much to say in this last Philippines post, as I am not in the Philippines and haven't been for 3 months now. Despite the separation, I need closure and to say goodbye.

Closing out this chapter, while beginning a new one is far from over. Having pro-debriefers as parents (literally they do it for a living) doesn't mean I'm not still in the grieving and transition process - although I may be talked out a bit :).

My time in the Phils was a time of growth and self-realization that I didn't plan on. God may not have "sent" me to Faith Academy and the Philippines in the traditional sense of the term but he brought me to where I needed to be in the moment. My continued prayer is that he will reveal himself to me in this new position and I will see his hand of blessing in it.

If any of my friends or family in the Philippines read this last post, I love you all. You showed me God's unconditional love in a very tangible way. I was blessed beyond all expectation and your selflessness and openness in letting me into your lives was appreciated beyond what my measly words can express. I hope to see you all again soon.

So, officially (for now) goodbye to the Philippines life, but hello to my new one here in Colorado. I will cherish the memories and relationship I developed over the two years I was blessed to be in the company of forever friends and family.

Why does transition spin you backward/forward/sideways and never let up?

I’m in my last 3 weeks in the Philippines (at least for the foreseeable future), and I cry all the time. If you know me one bit, you know this is out of character. I’m not emotional, sympathetic or sentimental, yet these past weeks I could cry at you tube clips or photos on Facebook, which was actually the culprit of my last pity-fest.

Transition, of course, is to blame (not to mention those pesky female qualities that I typically avoid on a daily basis – like feelings). I don’t just cry about leaving, I cry about not being at home too. Weird, considering I will be there in 5 weeks. This last weekend my little sister Kassen graduated from university and the whole family was present. I balled looking at pictures on Facebook of the event, especially of my nephews and niece. It felt awful for not being there, but I know being here is hugely important for my students and saying “later” to my friends. In fact, I cry when I think about leaving my friends. What a twisted or, to use a vocab word from this week, contorted time.

I’m not writing this blog to have a pity party, although it may seem like it to some; and I am not writing to bring an element of cathartic release to my life either. I am writing it because it’s real – and I want, above all, to be genuine.

Transition is one of those things that everyone experiences from time to time; it just seems to happen more often on the mission field. You’d think I’d be used to it by now, but I don’t think it is ever something you get “used” to. Sure, I can say goodbye properly and leave things reconciled and look forward to where I’m going, but that doesn’t mean it’s not hard.

I’m finding my biggest problem is not the move forward but the looks behind. I know God’s plan for my life is there waiting, I just don’t want to loose touch with the past or get stuck in it. What’s the healthy treatment of your past experiences and relationships? Comparison between past and present is unfair, living in the past makes for a very depressing present, and forgetting the past seems like cheating the present and those left behind. I’m working on finding a balance, but thinking about it gives me a sense of anxiety and hopelessness – which, in turn, reverts to anger. I’m working on giving it all up to God but my iron grip seems hard to loosen and the closer I get to leaving, the tighter that grip becomes.

So it all boils down to – I don’t have an answer for this moment in my life. I try to end blogs with some sort of lesson learned or element of understanding, but sorry folks, this one doesn’t have any. It’s just a way to let you know where I’m at. Don’t get me wrong, I’m happy. I love my life and what God has done for me here. I’m just in transition, which essentially, I think,means a little bit lost and bewildered (another vocab word :)).

Transition won’t last forever, but for now I’m just going to have to, as one of my favorite UK comedies “Miranda” jokes, “bear with.”

Brief Update On Life

Sitting  in the Middle School teacher’s lounge, avoiding grading and listening to some awesome music by The Weepies, I figured I’d try writing a blog – it’s been about 3 months since my last one so I guess it's time :).

Update:

Yearbook sucked the life and time out of me for the month of March. It’s done and I didn’t kill anyone or make anyone cry (at least to my knowledge).  I’m nervous for its debut in a couple weeks but I’m proud of the work put into it by all involved.

Decided to go back to US for 6 months and figure out the next step. The biggest question is what does God have planned? I know it’s planned, I just don’t see it yet. I have confidence that a furlough is the right move and that the Lord will bless it just as he has blessed me here.

Research paper ate up my April.  Teaching and grading them was pure insanity and at times frustrating. It’s finished and I am confident that every one of my students can go into high school knowing that they can write a research paper.

At 8^th grade retreat last week, almost cried (not normal) while talking a particularly special student I have been praying for – continuing to pray that God works wonders in his life.

Birthday today (quarter of a century old AHH) and preparing to say goodbye – I hate goodbyes and I’m fighting the urge to blow them off.  “See you later” is a much better farewell.  Packing up stuff and downsizing the junk in my life, what a chore!

Just switched music to David Crowder Band’s “Can You Feel It;” the first line is “Can you feel it ?/ The love in this place/ Can you feel it?” Yes, yes I can and I thank God everyday for his love and the love of the people in this community. I am blessed to be here.

3 and ½ weeks left in the Phils for a while – planning to make the most of it. 

O.E. Pics

My squad, Greta (our senior helper for the day) and me at Tree Top Adventure after the Superman ride.

My squad, The Rad Molave, at our squad sleepover.

Cool pic of the light and smoke coming through the trees at our JEST site.

BBQ frog on a stick

Our JEST guide, Monico.

Rice cooking in bamboo.

Close up of "Charlie"

Charlie and me at the beach before I set him off into the water.

One of the kids at the ministry enjoying his morning merienda.

Swinging over the tree tops.

This is one of the trees filled with bat at Subic, never seen so many bats in my life.

These are just some highlights, I plan on posting the whole album on Facebook eventually.

Hope you like the pics :) There are some cool videos on my Facebook wall too. :)

I survived the jungle – OE 2012

Somehow I find that fact that my Outdoor Ed blog is the first of this New Year rather fitting – thoughts and preparation for the week have basically consumed my life for the better part of January. Sit back, grab a drink and snack, it’s going to be a long one.

For those of you who didn’t read the OE blog last year, here is a brief overview of what it OE is – 150+ middle school students exploring God’s creation in one of three locations in the Philippines. It’s organized chaos, and a complete blast.

Subic was this year’s destination where students could sample jungle survival training, minster to kids, play at the beach, plant mangroves and swing over tree tops like Tarzan.

My role as squad leader was to be in charge of 11 8^th grade girls, hanging out, playing around and guiding them throughout the week. This may sound easy to some, but come the end of the week, adult conversation and alone time seems like precious gold.

Let me take you through the week, day by day.

Day 1: Travel

We left school at 7:30 am Monday morning. A 2 hour trip on a good traffic day, 3 on a normal one, took us about 5 hours. We arrived at our first stop – Zoobic – where we looked at animals, had tigers eat chicken right before our eyes and watched a pig paint a picture. We reached base camp. My bag was invested with red ants, literally hundreds crawling though my clothes, biting me as I picked them off one by one. 30 minutes later, I unpacked, ate, had a great worship service, then when into squad intros – which are complicated, high tech, choreographed and a really big deal. Lights out at 10:15, went to sleep around 10:45.

Day 2: Base camp

Woke up at 6:30, not a good sleep since every time I close my eyes I saw red ants crawling all over my face. Killed a couple cockroaches. Pack lunch, eat breakfast, walk to Tree Top Adventure. Spend the morning riding two rides, one called the Superman where you lay horizontal in the air, shot backward then forward over the tree tops. Second one was called a canopy ride, a much slower glide over the tree top canopies. Wrapped up the morning with team building exercises. Lunch – tuna sandwich, peanut butter and jelly sandwich (which was lunch the whole week) – then off to Mangrove Park. Pick up trash in a swap, learn an annoying song about planting trees, weave nipa and plant nipa seedlings. Dinner – then off to see swarms of bats before they set off at sunset. Worship service, learning about using our gifts, paper airplane contest, giant musical chair game. Lights out at 10 pm, asleep at 10:30 – ants still haunting my dreams.

Day 3: Ministry/Beach

Wake up at 6:30, it’s great to sleep in a second day in a row. Pack lunches, eat breakfast and prepare for ministry. My group is in charge of teaching vocabulary for a Bible story in both English and Tagalog. That’s part of the ministry. The real impact is spending an hour or so playing with the students at the school. I was so excited to see all my girls really involved and excited about serving this school and these kids that have next to nothing. Hearing “I don’t want to go yet,” out of every squad member was worth the whole trip. We piled back onto the bus after several hugs and goodbyes and headed to the beach. Beautiful beach, hot sun and fun – we snorkeled, lounged, made a sand sculpture, played fun beach games. The best part of the recreational beach time was releasing baby sea turtles into the water! They hatched the night before and every person at the beach that day released a sea turtle. I named my Charlie, and cheered him into the water. He had a lot of spunk. Only 2 percent of the 100+ sea turtles will survive to adulthood. My girls and I cheered on several sea turtles. It was amazing to learn how God uniquely created these creatures to triangulate where they are in the world using the sun, moon and their location so that when they are ready to lay eggs of their own, they can come back to the same beach. What an experience! We went from that to dinner and worship – which was stellar, one kid accepted Christ! Great talk with my squad about realizing their value in God’s eyes and not comparing themselves to others. Next was volleyball on the beach, totally fun. Lights out at 10, sleeping on the beach, went to bed at 1, after playing Dutch Blitz with leaders and seniors and talking to Liz Haunschild.

Day 4: JEST

Woke up at 6 am, packed up the hut, ate breakfast, got to know other squad leaders, witnessed a senior girl win 1000 pesos (20 dollars) for drinking a liter of Vienna sausage juice, and saw an octopus. Piled into the bus to return to base camp. Packed lunches, packed for JEST in a mad rush. Back on the bus, saw monkeys on the way to JEST chilling on the side of the road. We started our hike with our guide Monico, a sixty-year-old Filipino man that had been leading JEST hikes for 20+ years. Hiked into the jungle, on the way learned about which tree and vines can give you water, which can be used to make rope, stop bleeding, use as an antiseptic, use for jungle coffee and tea, and saw when a certain type of bark was rubbed together with water, it lathered like soap and could be used as shampoo! Tasted water from bamboo – awesome. Arrived at camp, chilled in the river, had squad devotions about serving others. Bamboo demonstration on all the different types of things you can create from bamboo. Our guide made cups, spoons, plates, rice cooker, meat cooker and started fire with out a match, all from bamboo! We had a chance to try; I broke the bamboo every time I tried to split it. We went back to camp to cook rice and meat in the bamboo. Had one of the best dinners ever, who knew rice, tuna and veggies could be so good. Had a great talk with two of my girls about friendships. Eaten alive by mosquitoes. Campfire (bamboo) and an amazing talk about how God created man in his image and what our response should be to man having that knowledge. Next, had amazing time with a couple squad members while others went hunting for frogs. Tried BBQ frog on a stick, don’t think I will try it again. Tried to scare Ted, epic fail and embarrassment. Lights out, told scary stories. Fell asleep quickly, with my contacts in since I forgot an extra pair.

Day 5: Travel Home

Woke up at 5:30, packed up the JEST camp and walked 20 minutes with all my stuff, bag, sleeping bag and pillow, to the bus. Thankful I didn’t have to hike back up the mountainside we came in on. Shower, breakfast, and packed lunches back at the base camp. Piled onto buses, and 3 hours later arrived back at school.

That is pretty much the summary of Outdoor Ed 2012, my trek through the Philippine jungle. It’s such an amazing experience and opportunity for the FA middle school students and I love being a part of it. Things like this don’t come together without Christ and it’s such a humbling experience to see what he can do. No matter what my future holds, OE is something I will cherish forever.

Pictures to come :)

When It Rains, It Pours - Thanksgiving Day: From Bitter to Thankful

Thanksgiving has to be one of my favorite American holidays. Family, food, football – it’s an American classic. Teaching at an international school has its benefits and disadvantages; for me, not having Thanksgiving off is a disadvantage. Americans have it right, two or three days off for a holiday all about thanks and food – who wouldn’t want that?

Anyway, my Thanksgiving morning was typical for the Philippines except for that fact that I woke up on time (5 a.m.) and left early (5:45) so that I could make it to the Middle School Thanksgiving breakfast on time (6:15). I looked forward to this breakfast all week. I hardly ever ate a real breakfast and a spread of cinnamon rolls, eggs, bacon, sausage, hash browns, fruit, and coffee would soften the blow of working on an American holiday. Purse, work and coffee in hand, I headed out the door and gate, locking everything as I left. My roommate was gone so I was going solo that morning.

I got to my car and started rifling through my purse for the car keys. About 3 minutes later, I realized that the keys were locked in the house, with my house keys. At this point, I was sitting on the ground in front of my house, in a skirt, with all the contents of my purse displayed in front of me. Ok, well decisions had to be made. I had a cell phone, right – nope, in classic Kelli fashion I left it in Meg’s car the night before. So obviously, for the next 30 minutes I attempted to break into our well-secured house. I tried climbing over the wall, no luck – flip flops don’t have very good traction. I grabbed a crowbar from the car and tried to rig the gate door – nope. I finally put a pair of jeans (I had a change of clothes for that night) over the glass on one of the walls, got one leg up and realized this was going to really hurt when I jumped and landed on the water heater.

Ok, plan B. I decided to walk to a neighbor’s house, hoping they had not left for school (unlikely since it’s 6:15) and had the spare keys. So I grabbed my coffee and headed down the hill to walk the 4 or 5 blocks to their house. As I was walking it started to rain, not hard, but enough to push me off the edge. The inner monologue started to pound my ears – how could I be so stupid? Why isn’t Meg here? I’m going to be late! I’m missing breakfast! It’s raining! I hate this country! And so on. I get to the neighbors house, they have left but the dad was at home. He called his wife and then searched for the spare keys. No luck. Spare keys at this point were already at Faith.

Ok, now what? It was about 6:45 as I started back to my house. At this point anger seemed pointless so I spent the walk changing the inner monologue to something more positive. At least I lived in a safe house that’s hard to break in to. I lived in a neighborhood where a woman could walk around safely by herself. I lived near people I know. I complained yesterday that I didn’t get to exercise in the morning. My helper was coming at 7, so I could get in the house. I worked at a place that was very considerate about these things and I had a principal who was kind and understanding. Be thankful – it was Thanksgiving after all.

I arrived back home, 5 minutes later my helper came. I sent a quick email to my principal and was out the door by 7:10, the beginning of classes. Traffic was graciously light and 40 minutes later I walked into first period to the questions of eager eighth graders trying to guess why I was late.

The rest of the day was fairly typical (I did get leftover breakfast during break) and it all lead up to a glorious Thanksgiving dinner with my extended philafam.

Lessons learned, no one was hurt and nothing was broken. Thanksgiving may not have been what expected or wanted but I did learn to give thanks in a situation that seemed pretty desperate at the time.

P.S. I'm still not quite at the laughing stage of this minor tragedy, so if you feel the need to make jokes, in words of my friends....."it's too soon." :)

House-Hunting: God's Blessing and Provisions

To say that house-hunting, for a month and a half, has been stressful and anxiety-ridden would be a slight understatement. Trying to keep a calm and cool exterior (the MK way :0), never show stress!) pushed all that anxiety, fear and doubt deep into the pit of my stomach (isn’t that how you get an ulcer or something?).

My roommate (Meg) and I have been blessed these last 5 months with a house sitting arrangement in a very nice, safe neighbor near metro Manila. Being an easy driving distance to malls, restaurants and free-parking (it’s a big deal) grocery stores, I was in denial about leaving the comfort I had become accustom to and try something new.

After looking at six different options of living arrangements, nothing felt “right.” One, back in the condos near Faith, would have been workable but they only wanted a year lease. Another seemed like a possibility, a cute two-bedroom house in a sub-division close to Faith Academy, however without any furniture/appliances, to make it livable the cost was reaching dangerously high and I had no idea where that money was going to come from. This was one aspect of the anxiety. The second was looking at houses and contemplating the idea of investing money into that house, the inevitable question about plans for next year kept popping up. Meg and I had several deep conversations and each one left me emotionally tangled and drained. No longer was I searching for a house for the next 6 months or so, I was searching for an answer to the big question, will I stay in the Philippines for a third year or go home? Although I’ve been praying about this since the first day of year two, God has not made it clear what his plan is for me next year. Honestly, I’m not sure I am even ready for that answer yet.

All this build up leads me to this past week. We had one more house to check out. A missionary answered our plea on Philmiss with an option of subletting a house in the valley (where FA is located). We didn’t know the family so visiting was unfamiliar territory. Also, we tried to decode the message because it seemed as if they were renting their house per room and neither of us was quite sure what that meant. I had been praying all week that this would be the house, if it didn’t work out the next step was unclear and I was pretty sure it would involve some of my hair falling out from stress. As Meg and I entered the kitchen, both of us individually felt it, this was “right.” Probably the entire time we were there, a giant smile was on my face, thanking God for his provision in my life, not just for my awesome roommate Meg but for our living arrangements this semester and next.

This was an entirely humbling and awe-inspiring experience. Although I kept the house for next semester in my prayers, I was crippled with doubt, never really letting go of control and fully committing to “God will work it out.” I am blessed and I don’t deserve it. What an amazing God we have and worship. Who are we to deserve his love and plan for our lives? Wow, it’s a good day when you realize he’s got it under control.